There are times in life when you don't know where you are headed, and the pressure can be crushing if you feel that you are just floating free with nothing to shoot for.
It's been crushing for me. I look back at life and the places where I should have done better and it's only then that I really realize for the first time that time waits for no one. It seems a weird thing to say. Of course the years go by. But there is the danger that you are lured into a false sense of security that everybody will all be around for as long as it takes to get your mind on a decision. A real commitment of a decision.
I hope that today, I can put together a dream that will be achievable. Many years ago, in my philosophy masters, I once mentioned to my supervisor that "freedom" is dependent on whether one can be a world-historical individual or not. What does this mean? And who does it apply to? A world-historical individual, as termed by Hegel is one who causes a distinct, recognized, and substantial perturbation in the chronology of history. In Hegel's philosophy, it was the monarchy that provided the stability for history going forward. Today, this role is reserved for the bourgeois class. A case in point would be Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney buying Wrexham and saving the third-oldest football club from doom and bringing it back into the League Two for the first time in 15 years. Why is it world-historical? Because Wrexham has gone from an unknown to an every-known to the point where Anthony Hopkins declared that they should be considered "honorary Welshmen" for their service to the working-class Wrexham.
I have my world-historical idea. I had it during my PhD, but I was told that it wasn't viable because "you can't try to change anything, just observe", and indeed that was what my supervisor and his "cabal of researchers" were doing; "just observing" whilst taking funding from neocolonial funding sources so that they could keep ahead of the exploitation / slavery game. Either I will get into a PhD program in 16 months and implement my plan that way (probably easier), or I will save money over the next five years and fund its construction myself. Will it change anything? I don't know. I think it should. The unfortunate thing is that so many people have the capital to change things, but the profit motive prevents them from doing so. I will try. If I am successful, I will take the opportunity to explain and shame.
In a Dolan's Cadillac sort of way...
At any rate, I hope it fixes where my head is at. I need something to live for. For those that have kids, this is a world-historical attempt via passing the torch to the next generation to see if they can reach this pinnacle themselves. Hope is maintained that their intervention will make a difference. For those who don't have kids or capital, what is to be done?
Comments